


i've missed you

by mutaregenesis



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, but do they realize that? HA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25421626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutaregenesis/pseuds/mutaregenesis
Summary: zuko's traumatized and sokka is a good boy friend. friend who's a boy. just bros, they swear.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 185





	i've missed you

Zuko knows it's not polite. Sokka's talking, he should be listening. But he can't pay attention to save his life. His mind won't stop racing. They're leaving Uncle's tea shop later than they'd meant to, but that's no surprise. Uncle had so many teas to show off - new recipes he'd learned, created, and thing's he'd improved. They hadn't gotten through all of them before Zuko insisted they come back later just after Uncle insisted they try a new blend he'd named in Zuko's honor - _Blue Spirit_ \- which was both mortifying and heart warming and, nope - Zuko could not handle that much attention. 

He and Sokka said their "goodbye for now"s to Uncle and began to make their way to the palace to have a stiff, quiet dinner with some Earth kingdom nobles, but Zuko can't stop thinking over and over - how did they get here? How did _Zuko_ get here? If they had been this close the last time he and Sokka were both in Ba Sing Se, Sokka's hair would be singed and Zuko would be bruised and bloodied from Sokka's unexpectedly impressive combat skill.

But right now, Sokka is laughing at a joke he's just made that Zuko didin't hear. Zuko takes that as a cue to laugh, secretly hoping he didn't just validate some terrible one liner he'll hear three more times today when Sokka realizes he didn't actuallly hear it. Even still, Zuko can't stop smiling. It feels strange. Smiling so openly. It's vulnerable. Usually Zuko would catch it, this display of "weakness," and put on a mask to protect himself. But smiling and listening to the sound and cadence of Sokka's voice, he's... comfortable. Sokka's presence feels so... warm, and familiar. Zuko has a hard time imagining their dynamic before, all violence and animosity. Now, Zuko only sees that his wolf tail is perfectly done, his clothing has a more professional, grown up look, and the way Sokka's eyes crinkle as he smiles at Zuko. His heart flutters in his chest and he finds himself wishing he could capture this feeling. He wants this comfort all the time. To keep it safe and sound and his. 

They see each other often enough right now. Once every few months. That _should_ be enough, anyway, but he knows that in a couple days, Sokka will leave again and Zuko will feel some unexplainable emptiness like a hole in his chest for days after they've said goodbye. He wishes for a brief moment that Sokka had stayed with Suki in the palace, but his stomach churns at the thought, and it's quickly abandoned. Suki and Ty Lee are great to talk to, but he still feels so weird around both of them. Hell, he burned Suki's island and Ty Lee reminds him of Azula. He can't help but feel guilty every time he talks to them. So he usually doesn't. Which means he doesn't talk to... anyone, outside of a professional capacity.

Zuko realizes, going through his list of "friends" (if he can call them that) that he's tried to kill most of them at some point, and his closest friend is his Uncle. It's not the first time he's realized it but other people his age - they don't have to lead countries, atone for their family's unforgivable sins, or thwart assassination attempts. Their biggest decisions are - he guesses - who to marry, where to move, or... or what friend to spend time with. Usually, he finds any distraction to keep his mind off of this line of thought, but he's quickly gone far down this particular rabbit hole. 

The vibrant city around him seems to shrink, dull, and muffle itself. His chest aches as he suddenly, overwhelmingly misses the childhood he never got to have, most of which has been forgotten in a sea of memories dominated by trauma and heartache. He quietly mourns the child he never got to be, the friends he never got the chance to make, the teenage years spent in exile, rejected and abandoned by everyone he thought he loved. He doesn't know when the smile dropped from his face, but he's been avoiding Sokka's gaze for minutes now. He misses the only friends he's ever made. He misses their smiles and jokes and stupid arguments. He misses sparing with Sokka, putting up with his jokes, staying up all night with him because he can't sleep and Sokka's too stubborn to let him stay awake on his own. His heart burns for the feeling the other boy always gave him - like he _belonged_. Like he mattered. Zuko knows it isn't the same, growing apart after a war, but he can't help but feel as though he's _meant_ to be abandoned.

"Zuko, seriously. It's not funny if you don't notice I'm doing it." Sokka says, crashing whatever train of thought he was going to hop onto next.

"I- Sorry. I didn't realize. What were you saying?"

"I've been talking for the past couple minutes about how you weren't listening to me anymore. I was going to wait until you noticed, but it's no fun if you don't know I'm making fun of you."

His face heats and he can tell from the satisfied look Sokka's face that it's showing. "Shit. Sorry."

"Not like I won't be able to make that joke again," he muses with a nonchalant shrug. "What's goin' on up there, anyway? Anything interesting, or is it more boring, important official Fire Lord stuff." He finishes the last point with a stiff upper lip and his best "I'm better than you" gait.

"No, I- Uh. It's okay." Zuko says and chuckles forcefully as an afterthought.

Sokka raises an eyebrow, silently pushing him to answer. Zuko takes a breath and a moment to compose his thoughts, slowing his walk until they've nearly stopped.

"Would you want to- uh... stay?" That was a lot more coherent and a lot less desperate in his head.

"...In Ba Sing Se?"

"No - uh. At the palace? When we get back there. I know you probably have - Water Tribe... stuff to be doing. You're free to say no. But... we have plenty of guest rooms, so it's no problem. It doesn't have to be long. Or - at all. You can say no. I just, y'know, I kind of... miss... everyone." He's trying to maintain eye contact, to put his leader mask over his reddening face and fudge his way through such a painfully awkward, _stupid_ question, showing such a blatantly pathetic sign of -

"Zuko. Buddy." Sokka states, bringing him back. Was the spiral that obvious on his face? Or did he not hear him again? "Of course I will. All you have to do is ask. I'll just send dad a note with Hawkie and tell him I'll be a week or two late."

Zuko wants to argue, suddenly, tell him that he doesn't want him to feel pressured or to be inconvenienced, to talk Sokka out of it, but he's so... relieved. He doesn't have to fight that feeling, he thinks. If it's Sokka, he thinks... he _knows_ he's safe. He can be himself with Sokka. He is enough. Zuko lets himself look at him again without the panic behind his eyes and Sokka's looking back with the softest smile and a familiar warm comfort replaces the pit that had formed in Zuko's stomach. He smiles despite himself and they walk at half the pace they had before, though they'll almost certainly be late for it. But it's comfortable, and Zuko thinks maybe that's okay. He looks forward and allows himself to keep smiling.

When Sokka speaks again Zuko can hear the smile in his voice. It's quiet, almost to himself, but Zuko hears it clearly. 

"I've missed you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written any fanfic in years so this might be a little super rough and/or awkwardly written but here it is anyway. tried to start again with something simple. it's also 5 am right now so if there's any glaringly obvious errors that's probably why. let me know if you liked it and maybe i'll try to write some more!


End file.
